Grandparenting Matters

The other evening, my little one, along with husband and myself, dragged ourselves from a our daily routine, to hear a 99 year old psychoanalyst addressing our community on subjects ranging from fear and anxiety, maintaining a career for as long as you can, and dedicating ones life to caring for others. Her delivery was exceptional. Her purpose clear and focused. And she had the audience awe stricken. Many were grandparents. And ironically, she spoke of the beauty of treating 80 year olds to centurions as a gift to the profession. Wow!

Now my little one didn’t understand much. But she was able to glean from the audience, that this was a serious topic. She also picked up on the fact that most of us were grannies.

So why am I writing on this. Besides the fact that I’m a granny raising a child, I try to look for inspiration in all the right places. That includes, libraries, social groups, schools, religious institutions, and restaurants.

Yes, eating is what I call a learning, and yearning experience. It includes such delicacies as conversation with a loved one, sharing a smile, a snuggle, a break from routine, and a separation from the non-inspiration news that insinuates we can do nothing to get out of the doldrums. Eating is a way that can uplift and nourish the soul. It’s about choice. Choose well, and you can fortify. Choose poorly, and you can deteriorate.

As a psychotherapist, its music to my ears to hear an expert exude profundities on the professional healing that comes with therapy. In addition, it celebrates another aspect of life’s subtleties that comes with a “granny” who is well established , can still perform an incredible service to society. Too much has been written about the insignificant strides in the field of psychotherapy. It’s been referred to as many things, among it “psychobabble.” But one thing for sure, this “grannie” could be entrusted with the super-babble, and fine tuned hearing referred to as “listening “ to bring wellness.

Grandma Moses, Golda Meir and so many others bring a refreshing pride to aging. Particularly when it comes into the circle of life’s purpose. What is it that we still have to fulfill.

So for what reason would I be writing this. Many grandparents are struggling with the issues on the economy, the war, their own physical limitations. And then they are faced with “rebirthing.”Raising a grandchild.

For those of us who are blessed with this mixture of joy and sadness, we can revel in the words of this 99 year old.” “I can’t die, my work is not done.”

For me, I have an occasional ache and pain. Then I can’t wait to see my little one smile at all the things she’s learned in the day. I look at the community of friends, and relatives that have taken an interest in being part of our lives, and I see that she too is blessed.

And I realize, our job is not done.

Admit it. Don’t you just always want to be right! You’re the parent, you want to give your kids your values, your ”isms” and anything else that is strictly about you.

As Grandparents, what has changed?  Grandparents are overgrown parents.  Not surprising, we are age challenged and supposed to be the better more improved model, Arguably, still giving the last word, guess who. “Me, granny Barb.”

My daughter traveled thousands of miles, to visit us with her splendid two year old, our grandchild.  Well, as mothers and daughters, we enjoy the pleasures of girls’,night out, shopping, laughing at the silliest things, eating and sparring.

You heard that correctly. Still sparring. Yes that happens when a couple of females called mother and daughter jockey position for victor. Of course each attempt to respect each other, while capitalizing on their point of view. The winner gets to read their delicious grandchildren those silly tales containing leprechauns and gnomes, while the loser, gets to walk the dogs and pick up the dog poop.

While we are a generation filled with many ideas, and questions, we live in a  free country that allows us the freedom to spar. We get to challenge one another. We get to doubt. We get to change our minds.  Over and over. And we get to do this with our children, grown adult children. Didn’t we learn from our mistakes earlier. “Shut up and listen”.

Throughout the years, personally, I have changed my mind so many times. I have felt deeply about something during my twenties,. superficially in my thirties, slanting the ideas in my forties, and by the fifties, relinquishing old theories for new ideas  which became a fabulous compromise in order maintain distinguished integrity for  a woman of wisdom. Now you didn’t think I was going to give my age away totally. No!

Grandparents have never had it so good. If you are the lucky ones like my husband and myself, we have chosen to not only bequeath wills, and jewels, and the defunct stocks, resulting from the collapsed market. But rather, we hope to impart wisdom. And pardoned for any mistakes.

My daughter’s words and generous deeds are a regular part of who she is. How prideful I am, for having raised this challenging being.. Her wisdom will no doubt be delivered to her child, my grandchild. Already a blessing.and bright. Her mother’s confidence, and strength, and oh yes did I say full of opinions on just about everything, take my breath away. And often my words.

In a flash, let the sparring begin. I rarely win. From politics to how to fix a toilet, she can filibuster. Let the informational begin. I spar. Then I look at her.  I gaze at my daughter’s child, The sword is down. The challenge is over.     How did this miracle happen?
Other miracles are not so obvious. While our son has not always been able to follow a simple path, he made sure his child, our grandchild was going to have an opportunity to grow into a wonderful human being, and be safe, smart, and secure. What a miracle.

Both of my grandchildren as many of your families, reside from sea to shining sea. So who gets to actually know the best of our families.. Since our grandchildren live so far from one another, they hardly know one another. But the bond is so strong. Thankful for that, we are.

Who would have known that my two grandchildren, both so bright, and beautiful, would enjoy the  common foods, the sparkling joys of the season, the hugs of their prized family, and learn about each others differences, and sameness.

Tonight, at Thanksgiving, our small family and friends reunited, to give thanks for the abundance in our lives, not necessarily finances. Each had a story to demonstrate their courage and strength to endure life’s challenges.

But through the eyes of a child and the bark of two dogs, the sumptuous feast astounds our palette, and at the same time softens us. The sparring, turns into a fine conversation, a genuine hug, a reminder that age can give birth to kindness, understanding and patience. Tolerance is within each person’s grasp. They just have to take hold of the hand of a child, reach out to the arms of an elder, and set themselves free.
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So, the newfound silence, is a genuine effort to regard and uphold family differences.

And for all this, I am so thankful for the times my family make an effort to be together. Despite differences. Nothing is simple. But belief that your children, and mine of course, can make us laugh , and cry, sometimes at the same time,. This is worth waiting for, and what I call a miracle.

Happy thanksgiving to you all!!!

The current state of the economy has had a dramatic effect on families. For many, their dreams are shattered. Stress is no longer just for the chronically depressed individuals. No , It’s more pervasive, and effects just about everyone in this society.  Here is what it comes down to.  No one really wants to settle for less than they are accustomed.

No doubt today, Americans have really been caught off guard. The domino effect of the economic collapse blocked our  “delusions of grandeur.” Oh, no, we can’t spend the money we don’t have.! Oops!

If you are saying, well this isn’t anything I don’t know about, you are probably correct. So why bother writing old news. Because it’s not going away fast for some of us American Grandparents who are raising our children’s children . We  have more at stake than ever before. Because if we are living with guilt for  the situation we thought we may have had some part in, then we want to do the next generation proud. Even if we don’t deserve to own guilt, it’s hard to wash away tears which bathe you and your spouse, as you look down at the child. You are persuaded by your heart to grab the child, and protect him or her forever. But just how can you do that?

How do we provide a safety net for bringing up children responsibly, especially during the worst economic crisis of our life? For grandparents raising children, the economy crashing down creates turbulence of unknown proportion.

Plans for retirement long gone, are not the only concerns. As a grandparent it’s not just about the vacations we are no longer taking, or the houses we cannot build, or the freedom to go out, and the occasional off color joke we can no longer say. No!

Here is what it is. College funds turn the focus to creative thinking, and grant planning. Owning a house in these times can mean that property or assets may need to be converted to cash. The worry  then prompts concerns of employment potential that carry more  panic as the old  age factor kicks in. What are the “old folks” suited for? Who wants to hire them? And did they plan to go back to work anyway?

How can we turn this dreaded state of affairs into heavenly moments? While driving our little one to school this morning, she kept singing to herself. You know the way kids do. And her booming voice went back to God Bless America. So I turned around, not while driving, but I actually pulled over.

I looked at her, I mean really studied her. You know, darling, I said, America is the best place in the whole world. But what makes it great, is that you are in it. You, will learn, study, about many things. Then, you will use your brain to make choices.

“Do I have a brain, nana. Where is it? Do I sit on it?”

“I think you have a wonderful brain. It is inside your head. It helps you reason and keep your wits about yourself. “

“O.K., she drolled. I promise to wear hats from now on, so I can keep my brain warm. Do you think the president wears hats too? “

“Let’s hope so.”

Try being civil during war time. There is a wonderful story that no longer is wishful thinking, and no longer fable, it’s going to be written in history books for generations to come.
The clock stopped ticking for me the moment President Elect  Obama was announced and Senator McCain graciously gave his concession speech.  In that immediate moment a sense of pride once again enveloped within me.  While I’ve been trying to focus on positive things in all of our lives,  it’s been an uphill battle over the last eight years.. Until that proud moment that made me want to sing, Lee Greenwood’s “I’m proud to be an American.”

Reminiscing, I’ll give away my ancient age once again, I recall Chicago radio personality Franklin McCormick  as I would be on my way to elementary school. Who was this man? I would always wonder about his constant reference to the allegiance to this country. As a child I would not doubt that this would be a forever state of mind. And I was proud to be an American. We all were.

But times changed during the 2nd millennium. As the walls crumbled in such far away places that we cannot pronounce, our children were watching painful attacks on our country, the President and family institutions. It was going to be hard to ride the waves of this perilous storm. First and last, to think about raising a child during a hurricane like this seems ludicrous . So how would anyone want to be taking on the mess following the cyclone past, leaving our children in the path of destruction.

But a bright ray of sunshine peeked when Senator Obama appeared in his cool demeanor. Promise what he will. Let ‘s hope that as Americans, we have the courage to come together on a united platform, and make miracles happen. For the children.

If we have an America that is working, fiscally, would that be enough?
If we have an America that is settling a long standing conflict which led to war? Would that be enough?

If we have an America that is working to  provide justice for all, would that be enough?

If we have an America that is willing to see the Democratic ways and appeal to diversity, would that erase some of the wrongs that we have created .

Our forefathers have diligently thought through a long list of rights to correct some of the wrongs we have committed, daunting civil liberties in so many ways.

Who among us know the exact thing to tell our children, our grandchildren, and those who are lucky enough to say to our great grandchildren, “Enough.”

The bright eyes looked at me, from the four year old, who watched the election process. My grandchild  jumped out of her chair when the pronouncement of our future president was announced. And she was gleeful., unprompted by us, and stood up and said , “Poppa , sing with me, “God Bless America.” I kid you not. Out of the mouths of babes.

It’s amazing how children early on, show how they cope with changes in their environment. What strikes us adults, is how the little  bodies have an incredible brain. Matchless.

As my little one tried to cope with unpredictability, this is what we tried to help her work out. No doubt, as it breaks out hearts, it helps us to soothe her , and eventually we hope her heart will mend. Parents and grandparents listen to your children.

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I’m three, now almost four
Adults, some, think I know so much,
More about life than a single book or more,
But trust me, I’m only almost four.

I try to make sense of hello’s and goodbye’s
Hesitantly, I notice the soothing faces next to me,
And I take a deep breath and close my eyes,
I try to make sense of the hello’s and goodbyes.

I sometimes have trouble sleeping,
Doubtful the missing “peace “ my heart
Can be filled until I finish weeping,
I sometimes have trouble sleeping.

I know how much you love me and care
I go to bed, then Nana and Poppa sneak a kiss and hug,
They reassure me, even when life is not fair.
I know how much you love me and care.

Know, mom and dad, that life is not fair,
It’s up to you to make it a better place,
A place quite tranquil, safe, without a scare,
Mom and dad, life is not fair,

I hold you in my thoughts
Now that I’m actually four,
I’m not sure what to say,
So Nana and poppa help me pray,
I hold you in my thoughts.

Daily I measure myself,
I’m getting taller,
My hair is getting thicker,
I can see myself in the mirror,
Daily I measure myself.

I measure myself by who I am,
A beautiful human being,
I measure myself by who you are,
And I thank god everyday that you knew enough to care.

You placed me with my grandparents, at first a surprise,
I am so grateful that you thought about my life,
It’s filled with love, truth, and so many ways to grow wise
Still I want to see your eyes.

Take care and heal thyself, both mom and dad,
I will always be there for you as well.
Now that I am four, I know how to handle sad,
Take care and heal thyself, both mom and dad.

Some parents create more natural disasters for their children than the Tsunami. When parents perpetuate the phrase “doing my own thing,” , more often than not, the waves of conflict ripple through the family foundation, flooding everyone with more emotion than can just be swept aside. When mom and dad are restrained  from raising their own children ,they have extinguished a light of empathy and traded it for indifference. Does this sound crazy? Yep. Does that matter? Not always.

In the center is a child, a baby, toddler, or youth awaiting further connections of trustworthy caregivers. Who, but for the grace of god, can be the most loving for the family that’s collapsed.Grandma and grandpa. But this does not come with directions made simple.

When mom and dad can no longer live with the child they gave birth to, grandma and grandpa better be prepared for a mixture of feelings to display the child’s confusion. Strong family ties tend to be a rarity today. Little by little, raising children by someone other than the biological mother and father  are taken for granted. So common in this century, are families separated from one another, it’s hard to tell whose in charge . Along with the rapid erosion of the familiar family structure, comes initial cracks that widen  in the child’s personality structure,

Signs of  discomfort in the child flow into streams of  tears and mountains of distress clouding judgment surrounding ways to repair the damage. Some of the reactions are donned in other behaviors outside of weeping, and screaming. It can look like total detachment, crying, , or outright anger. What’s the best way to warm up to the frightened child without making things worse by invading their space.

Slowly, and Patiently, and don’t let the ego get in the way.It’s very hard to recognize the pain an infant is in. Toddlers are a little more obvious to  recognize  signs through their behavior. But do grandparents really want to deal with the Humpty Dumpty factor of family life? Not really. So it’s just much easier to encourage the little ones to think of something else.  Here’s a vote of confidence. “You cannot make things worse, by helping the child to work through their grief at their own developmental level.” Don’t try to make those feelings go away. That’s a recipe for disaster. If you are struggling with the right words, or the perfect hug, or the sweet kisses for a child who is upside down in their actions, don’t hesitate to gain support through others who share what you are going through. Although not a quick fix , it’s a jump start.

Even animals  such as dogs grieve, and, act out as their owners make a run for it. A frantic bark, obsessive scratching  themselves half to death,shredding the carpet, pillows, and frenetic jumping on the door all with unobtainable objective of getting out of their confined space and making their owner change their mind and come back.. No, they can’t talk, but have you noticed there are some dog specialists, so-called psychologists, that manage to communicate about the “massive anxiety “ the pets have due to separation from their owners.

My dog is 12 years old, and if this is true, he’s had a case of the jitters since infancy, and he’s been a case ever since.

Which brings me to the point on humans. Particularly young ones. How much do we really know about what they are conjuring in their little minds. Is crying the only measure of pain. Or are there other signs that are different from just normal growing pains.

I suggest that children at any age, including infancy, attach pretty quickly to their mom and dad. And they don’t much care what they’ve done, they just want them back.

So many of us grandparents are now raising our grandchildren. The reasons are many. None of them are good reasons. Some more justified than others.

What does one say to a child when the parents have been parents intermittently because of inability to live on their own, incapable of providing safe haven, involved in crime, involved in drugs, or a wide range of possibilities which keep their child in foster care, or with a family member.

At what age do you tell the truth? And what is the truth? Everyone has problems; your parents have a little more.

I suggest we hug our little ones a little more, now and then. And don’t worry about what the psychology books say.  Even infants know the soothing sounds, the “sh! It will be all right; I’ll hold you as long as you like”. When the child grows of course, there will be more questions Be prepared to be honest, but speak to the child’s level.

Does that put you in second place? No. It keeps you as a trusted soul that can be there in the good times and not so good. Your little one can have faith that no matter what she brings up to you now or in the future won’t wound your ego. So you can have the strength to help this human being have control of her life.

Look out world, because there is nothing like a child trying to figure out what’s going on in the world. And who knows, maybe someday, he or she will be a strong enough figure in the world’s scheme of things, to run for President. Or shall I say, God forbid.

While in Starbucks, my one last remaining luxury that I afford myself, five gentlemen were having a political debate. One had an Obama poster , the others were engaged in very serious discussion. My hearing which is still above average, overheard the gist  of the conversation .So I tuned into the Tet-a -Tet  in order to eavesdrop for its entirety. “Well it’s only a short time before the world is coming to a screeching halt if the other man gets in.” And then I wanted to run for cover.

Am I worried about the future for our children and theirs? I thought about this  for a nano-second and   utter a resounding yes! But it’s far more than the political instability which we painfully watch as the world revolves around us and disintegrates,  We’re in a major meltdown of society, because we’re the ones that have an opportunity to make it better. So what have we been doing,? I have to think long and hard to review what I think I have been doing to make a difference for my children and grandchildren and even beyond that.

Teach our children so they can learn.
Give them opportunities to make a difference.
Then you do it too.
Don’t dwell on the past.
The present is the best present you can give as a gift.
Wrap the present with a glimpse toward the future

I am strong about letting my grandchild be raised with rules, boundaries, education. She came home from school and said, “Nana, I have learned three rules from school, “You wanna hear? “ Of course I do.   My teacher says, “Keep safe, be clean, and be kind. She said you have to be kind first.”

Well , it’s not easy to raise children in this generation for several reasons. If you are an older parent or grandparent raising a child, the rules of engagement are different.
What was polite when the 60’s existed, is passé now. The children in school call me by my first name. It blows me away.! Not that I secretly mind. However, it occurred to me that boundaries are obscure. A valued sign of respect addressed elders as Mr. and Mrs just as they did in the Beaver Cleaver family..Whatever my feelings on the president at any given time, what happened to addressing he or  heaven forbid she, as Mr. or Ms. President! If Lincoln were coming for dinner, I’d certainly say ,”Mr. President, Emanicipation Proclamation was a winner for the generations ahead. You Mr. President will make a better world for my daughter, son, and grandchildren. And he did.

Let’s create a new society for our children that builds not only good character, but strong character. Teach them at an early age, the value of money. Let them know how much sense makes cents.
Teach them to make their own decisions . Be amazed at what they come up with.
Teach them to problem solve Be awed by their wows!
Teach them consequences, consistency, and community. Be proud of the citizen you are making.

Don’t be so fast to fix things for them, even at an earlier age. Frustration is a part of growing pains.
Don’t make the future only about the child.
Make sure the world is a better place because You are in it.

“Parting is such sweet sorrow” is an old cliché. The truth is that many adults have trouble with the process, so it should not come as a surprise that our  pre-school children can’t grasp the notion of departures and arrivals.  They actually think in terms of “ out of sight, out of mind.”

Their creative minds don’t allow them to remain calm once they realize what is happening. Their motto becomes, “Do not deposit this child, then you won’t have to worry about your safe return.” So their only option, driven by desperation, is to manipulate you into staying.  And don’t they just know what your vulnerable points are?

I must say that I was so looking forward to the “have a nice day.” We’ve done this routine so many times. After four active weeks of summer vacation, along with being the chauffer driving,  arranging play dates, selecting the activity d’ jour , I  eagerly looked forward for the first day of school to arrive.  I was keenly excited about socializing with grownups, and accompanying the main course with something other than mac and cheese. After all, I’m a grandparent.

That moment of truth didn’t come without a hitch. Upon the exit, hug, hug, kiss, kiss, goodbye, I waved, she waved and I headed out. Hurriedly. Her little feet gained great speed while she tugged at my blouse,  and disappeared beneath my freshly ironed dress. Now my heart’s in my mouth. I’m a veteran mother, been there done that. So this is just a test. My heart was still in my mouth despite the fact that there was no crying. Only clinging.

I guess I’ve tried to make sense of the separation process for over 4 decades. So what does that tell you? Either I’m a slow learner, or I’ve had a great deal of experience with the unnerving process. So I’ve made up a few categories that may help identify some of the familiar characteristics of preschoolers in new situations, which for them are unfamiliar surroundings.

Upon inspection there are three types of kids and parents:

The first:
“I’m O.K. You’re O.K.  So leave.” In this case the parent is most likely sprinting for Starbucks.

The Second:
“ You may not be alright without me, mom. Now, I intend to keep an eye on you for your own good and that way you’ll want to hang around.  However, I can see I must catch your attention just a tad more. Here I go.  I’ll just turn the volume up slightly…don’t mind if I yelp just a bit more.”

The third:

”I’m about to cry.. and need my blanky, binky, sippy cup..Ooh the teacher is taking me by the hand…where am I going?”…and boom like magic…adjusts  perfectly.

These are the words that describe what is happening:
The child surveys the setting. While studying surroundings, learning is already beginning.  The little ones careful inspection of the environment is a positive step toward integration of managing anxious feelings.  And besides it’s their job to scrutinize the teacher and every child in the room.  Slight testing, taking the toy, attempts to share along with occasional intervention from the teachers may follow the initial examination.  Overall, everyone is discovering their environment and it’s all about their reactions.  And yours.!!!! Did you actually think it was going to be simple?

While all this is unraveling for the tot here is what may be occurring for the parents and grandparents as their child trail blazes into a new environment.

First…Secret clinging or” I wish my kid would hold onto me for just a few more seconds.” Parents sometimes wish they could be with their kids..Guilt! Many working moms describe their own anxiety about leaving their kids.  Some moms can experience shame over the knowledge that they can actually have these feelings.  Therefore once your are able to identify  and become aware  of your own  “wish to cling”, vote for independence, move away lovingly, give yourself a hug for letting go, and be prepared to look forward to quality planned time with your child on a consistent basis. You’ll notice how you’ll soon be sprinting for a Starbucks, either eager to go to work, or enthusiastic about finding new opportunities that are more consistent with your values.

Second…Provide your child with a transitional object in new situations. Before my little one leaves the house, we explore the playroom for soft cuddly objects. It calms her for the ride to school, an interaction prior to our leaving, and a connection to the entrance of her new environment.

Third…Don’t hang around with long good-byes. Keep it simple. Keep up a smile. I like to tickle and run backwards, and kind of make it a game. Always let them know how well they are doing by demonstrating how confident you are. Be mindful that your child’s’ life is like a garden. You must plant the roots with lots of fertile soil, just the right amount of water, and tender love pats. You then check on them regularly, determine if they are getting too much sun or not enough, and then leave them blossom, and watch them grow.

Let’s give our kids a fresh start for the school year in 2008. Start with the pre-schoolers. For those of us who haven’t done this in a while, it’s time to grease the cogwheel and set ourselves in motion.   That means early to bed and early to rise, I guess. It means packing lunches, laying out the clothes, getting the tots to bed on time, and preparing them for their new venture.

Go know, that today I took my little one to a social event, and she clung to me like gum on a shoe. Her flexibility and agility at the process astonished me. While I noticed other children about the same age, engaging, or parallel playing, mine was clearly in vanishing mode.

In talking to some parents, we began noticing some new behaviors in our four year olds. Quite honestly, as a granny, I clearly forgot  that my youngest child went effortlessly into crowds, going off to school willingly, and promptly.  I was so happy about her independence.

Then, when she was in her teens, she was the eager one to get out of the house, go to camp, be in the outdoors, and beg to go school far from home,  So as she mastered independence, her father and I clung to the old approach of “hang on just a little longer.” She’d have no part of it. She’s the frontier woman.  Only her father and I suffer periodic separation anxiety.

My oldest, the father of my four year old, was just the opposite. Let that child near a five block radius of school, and the fire department needed to be near. The alarm in me as well as the school would signal the child’s separation frenzy .We prayed that his childhood was just a stage he was going thorough and that I would only be in a bad mood for those ten to fifteen years.

Preparing our young ones for the world out there is not as easy as it would seem.  Parents and grandparents are supposed to be the teachers, yet some of us have no idea how to proceed. So it’s possible that we repeat what we learned not because we want to, but because it’s all we know.

Sending a child off to school at any age flawlessly  is a miracle. It entails saying good-bye. I don’t know about you , but as a parent that brings tears to my eyes. We want our children to do what is “normal”, that is to say goody-bye, see ya’ later.” But they are as ambivalent as we are.

I suppose,perhaps, each person has a unique timetable of when and how to leave home, if only for a few hours. And to be in the hands of “teacher,” a whole new set of rules along with the concept of trust and honor becomes a reality that their world is expanding. I don’t know, but perhaps they are genetically coded.  Some look forward to the new expereince; some are anxious, some are downright scared. Some will love school forever and some will wear out the teachers and their parents.

Understanding the development of our children is so helpful to those of us raising children. After all they are our most valuable gift. I suggest you do as I did, hit the books on child development. Even as a therapist, it is helpful to hit “refresh” button on the brain.

There is a wealth of information on the web, and equally helpful are the bookstores such as   Barnes and Noble, Amazon, and the good old fashioned library. Each developmental stage deserves a new approach and fresh look. For me,at this time, it’s all about preschoolers. But looking under a category of parenting is a good way to sort out all of the stages  from pregnancy, babies, toddlers, preschoolers, and pre-teens and teens.

I’m amazed at the trials and tribulations we encounter as the brain trust for our kids. And personally, a four year old today is so different from the four year old forty years ago. The only similarity is that there is no book that could prepare you for  the perfect child. At four years old, our little one reminds me of some one who is hormonally challenged. One minute so good. And the next freaky.

So delicious in the morning, for about five minutes. That’s till we have to get dressed. Now I forgot how much I like to crawl under the covers and avoid the next stage. Self assertion. That includes dressing, not brushing the teeth, hair, making me make promises that I better keep, and becomes angry easily if things don’t go their way at times.  The good news bad news is that the occasional outburst of anger is short and sweet, and responsive to consequences…And that’s if we, the rule enforcers, remember to be consistent., clear –cut  and confident in demonstrating the authority figure. Society relies on our self control. We learn by example.  We are the leaders of our families.

Demonstrating control of our actions, performance of incredible deeds, providing positive activities that encourage the children to move to their developmental stages smoothly are ingredients that support healthy families. While they do not guarantee a 100% grade for perfect kids, they come very close in assuring that you have done your very best. In the measurement of success, as adults, it is then up to them. And you should sleep well.